I Loved Deeper

Yes, I said it.

I’m thankful for having a great divorce.

Am I thankful for being divorced? No. Absolutely not. If I could have saved my children, myself and my ex the heartache that is the disillusionment of life as we knew it, I would have. But alas, our choices in life are what they are and you do the best you can post-bad decision making.

But in a world where people hate each other after divorce…. try to make each other’s lives a living hell…. hurting the ones they once loved and using their children, who should be protected, as pawns in such wars….. I am so very thankful that I am not in one of those relationships.

Jon was gone to his family’s for Thanksgiving. The boys were here with me. Jon and I have made a commitment to each other to give the boys as many true “family” days as we can, with both parents present. This was the first major holiday that we did not spend together as a family. We’ll likely always spend Christmas and Birthdays together (and likely Easter too), but Thanksgiving and Fourth of July are two that we will likely have to get accustomed to being not-all-in-one-place. And he was missed. It just wasn’t quite the same… wasn’t quite right without him.

It was the first time in this whole process that I realized that without him, this family is could not be complete. I mean, I KNEW that in my brain, which is why I fought so hard for us to remain friendly and close through this divorce…. but I never actually EXPERIENCED the difference, if that makes sense.

He returned last night. I held off the Christmas decorating and cookie making until he got home because one holiday celebration was enough for him to miss. It was worth waiting for. As we all sat around the table, decorating cookies and making endless fun of one another, I was reminded that my children (and myself) will be so much happier later in life looking back and having these memories of our family (Jon and I both included) spending quality time together.

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